Swing it!

So, I swung the other way! And I have to say I'm liking the change! It means feeling up a whole new set of things with different fingers..but I'm liking the feel of it so far. The Macbook, as I've now discovered...is better than sex. (ok not really, but you get the drift)

Back to my new operating system and the glowing apple...that i must confess, i hold in front of the mirror from time to time. I'm not sure how, but i think i look very cool (or cooler, shall i say?) with the mac in hand. It's the kind of strange thing most of us do at a shoe store. You try on a pair of new shoes and look at your face in the mirror...as if new soles are going to change your face!

It's really not as complicated as most had me believe. And if you're a google addict like me, you'll find yourself keying in the words "must have programs + mac" faster than you can imagine!

 I've discovered you scroll down with two fingers. The Spaces, application is great. I have to download Adium (which combines msn, yahoo, gtalk altogether, stroke of genius really) and the vlc player..because quicktime really isn't very accommodating. I remain slightly in the dark about the substitute for bitlord, my torrent friend that's given me so much stuff to hear and watch over the years. And I'm fondly reminiscing about the days when real player thoughtfully downloaded any youtube video i was planning to watch. I'm sure there's a way to do it on the mac..I'm yet to figure how!

Oral Action!

I'd heard about people who put these things off for way too long and then kick themselves for doing it. I was going to do no such thing with regards to my teeth. So, as soon as I dug out the filling from my tooth, I began the hunt for a "good dentist" around my place, and that lead me straight to Dr Mathai, who's logo is a very happy looking tooth. Now now, how could i ever resist that!

So what to me, seemed initially like a simple job to fill the cavity...has now turned out into a root canal, a tooth extraction (surgical, mind you!) and some other process that led me to a very strange looking x-ray station that made me look into the mirror with a strange thing stuck in my mouth and a machine vigorously rotating around me. And in that precarious position I couldn't help but think.....'what if i sneeze now!'.

Well, I didn't sneeze. Phew! My dentist is a sweet girl called Fredella who is accompanied by a dental assistant called Pravin who perpetually ( and I mean perpetually!) talks about going on vacation. I've been going there for about 3 weeks...and he still hasn't left!

Anyway, to be honest...I was petrified when I heard the words ROOT CANAL come out of Fredella's mouth. And while her constant "oh, it's not painful at all" did help me keep my calm externally, on the insides...I was, as they say, shitting bricks.....by the truck loads.

After having looked deeply into Fre's eyes for comfort over the last four sessions I can honestly say, this root canal thing has been demonised for no apparent reason. On the bright side, at Dr. Mathai's I also found a friend that I just can't see my self being able to live through this experience without.... the local anaesthetic! Sure, Fre tells me that I am one of the few who look forward to getting injected in the mouth...but THAT I can bear. Because that uncomfortable 5 second injection makes sure the next hour is painless....as opposed to sitting there..singing a song in my head (mostly embarrassing ones!) and then being rudely interrupted by a pain that i probably wouldn't be expecting!

The Root canal, from what I've been told, will be over in another sitting. Dr Mathai removed my wisdom tooth that seems to have had a mind of its own. And in its rebellion it decided to come out perpendicular to all of its brother and sisters (maybe they're cousins, who knows?!). I've been told my gum was cut to get this miscreant out...and the process of pulling the tooth itself out was no different that pulling out a nail...when its clearly in the wrong place in the wall! Only I do that with a Pliers, Dr. Mathai had slightly (if not funkier) instruments...and the spit sucker had decided to give up on us all. So poor Fre was stuck at the mercy of the spit sucker (from now affectionately called SS)..and at one point, the spit mixed with blood .. all spilled on my face and i was at Fre's mercy to be cleaned! See, Dignity has very little room in a dentists chair. You're sitting in the damn thing with your mouth so wide that an obese man could walk straight in without thinking about weather or not he'll fit! And no matter how much you try and hide, your years of decay....those nights when you sneaked to the refrigerator to finish off that bar of chocolate (and didn't brush after, like obviously...duh!) are staring in your dentists face! So like I said, you have to have really good oral hygiene..to maintain even the slightest bit of self esteem when you're at a dentist's...

On the bright side, the hard part is over. My tooth is now resting in my living room next to the jar of pot pouri....while i figure a more permanent place worthy of the tooth and it's calcium.
Until then, if my maid doesn't brush it off with the jhadu...it will love there. While the others (again, are they cousins?) play around in my mouth...grinding, chewing, unfortunately still decaying....!

As for what I'm going to do with this... fuck knows!
If you have a suggestion...OTHER THAN WEARING IT AROUND MY NECK....plz do tell!

P!

Swimming + Music = Excited Paras!

It hardly sounds complicated....but I always wondered, what it would feel like to listen to music while I swam. If they can make underwater watches, underwater lights, underwater cameras and what not...was I the only genius who'd been thinking on the lines of underwater music players? Aah! Clearly, no one was as smart as I!

That bubble burst as soon as I logged into my trusted google.com and keyed in "underwater music player". After google instantly corrected my spelling and suggested i try underwater as opposed to underwtr, we were in business.

Turns out these things are called "waterproof" mp3 players, and there's something called swimp3, which I think is a cool name and all, and it retails for about $229 with a space of 256 mb (cheee, too little). Upon further googling, I realised Speedo, my trusted crotch hugging brand also makes these....and sells them for a lot more than the trunks that only look good on models. (I think the brand easily forgets that not everyone who wears these is a Daniel Craig lookalike! I have loads of fat hippos who waddle in my pool to testify). Anywho, Speedo's version of the same thing is called Aquabeat (1 gb. $ 140)
Of course, you can always buy something called h20, which true to its name, is indeed h20 friendly, or so claim the guys at h20audio.com. Their claim- put this shit on your ipod and swim like its your birthday and nothing will go wrong. I'm sure nothing will. If it does....tough luck!

Anyway, I didn't have to order through ebay or wait for a friend to visit the states, instead I found what I was looking for while trespassing Fun republic (as usual). I was to meet a producer and get a ride till lower parel and while I whiled away time, a beautiful blond looked so happy listening to music, while her legs flapped behind her in the pool that i couldn't help but go closer to the window that had this package. Sure enough, it said "waterproof mp3 player". 3 days later, that blond was smiling in one corner of my room after being home delivered in exchange for 3 grand (2 gb space) , her picture fluttering moments before that box was chucked for good and I, in one triumphant moment, put on the ear pieces and enjoyed my underwater mp3 player...in complete dryness!

See, the pool opens at 5 pm. This was at about 12.30 at noon, and if you thought I had the patience to wait about four hours, you might as well think Hillary is winning the white house! I quickly strapped on the player, put on the smile (the blond may have inspired me) and an aroma therapy shower gel, music and an oddly exciting mood got me all worked up...and yes, the player worked... even when it was in the water!

I was at the pool as soon as it opened. Everyone, and i mean, Everyone was looking at me and (more importantly!) my new gadget ....and I was being as nonchalant as possible. (how uncool to smile and wave and do the 'yes I'm listening to music while i swim' dance), although that's exactly what I would've done...or at least wanted to do!

Anyway, the looks haven't stopped. A few people have asked me about the player..and I've made a few friends thanks to it. I realised on day 1 though, that you couldn't do vigorous swimming because the ear phones tend to slip out of the ear. But the swim cap holds them in place. Is it fun? Oh yes! I tend to swim for about an hour, hour an a half without realising how long its been.

I would've been enjoying the pool and the player right now, but my waterproof mp3 player, after four glorious swims decided this was all too good to be true and gave up on me. The guy at Asian sky shop says he will gimme a new piece....although something tells me I might see a lot more of him.

As for the experience, Sure, it gets you wet! ;)

P!

Wanna be frennz?!

I could click the "Add" button all day and it wouldn't change my life. Sure, it could increase the length of my Orkut friends list...but will it really increase the number of friends i have?....well THAT i seriously doubt!

So here's the thing. I'm most pleased when people write in...on orkut or facebook about the fact that they've seen some shows of mine..and they've usually liked what they've seen. THAT part, i love. What i adore more, is when someone even gives you some great constructive criticism. Usually "You talk too fast"! And then of course there's the breed that has a pattern..that I've studied now for so long..that it's painfully predictable!

step 1: They google you...figure you're on orkut. Take the trouble of writing a scrap. and promptly adding you. "Can we be freeeeeeeenz?".

Step 2: they'll be polite and send in another scrap on the lines of.... "I know you're busy ..blah blah... but i was just wondering..if you could write me a scrp

Step 3: ok by this time.. the initial politeness has gone for a long walk. What remains is ..." you're the rudest person i know. You don't even have the decency to reply to a scrap!!!"

haha! and some will even make it sound like we were married for years, before separating to go our own ways!

I've never really understood the point of being "friends" with someone on orkut in any case. You can access pictures and scraps. I haven't bothered locking my pix in any case...(the exhibitionist...that i am!). So why do people go thru such lengths to be part of a list...that really makes no difference to any one's lives!

For exactly that reason..i remember i would add just about anyone..because ..like i said, since it makes no diff..why DECLINE any invitation...and THAT'S when the world went grey! haha, ok...that's where messages and scraps take an ugly turn...some will go to the extent of saying.. How can you not talk to me...ever.!". " you never say hi!". "i thought we were frrrrrreeeeeeeeeeenz!!!!"

So of course, now i find immense joy when i actually do find someone who i want to add on orkut. Usually an old friend...who I've lost touch with. Facebook is STRICTLY for people i know already...or for work.
The irony here...is that these networking sites are usually to make new friends.....but that seems like too much of a task...when it all boils down to adding someone..before knowing anything about them!
In a nutshell..its like sleeping with someone...on the first date!
oh wait...but that's a good thing!
This, unfortunately...is not nearly as pleasant!

;)

The Rakhi Sawant SHOWZ

Like most people, it took me a while to realise it was SHOWZ! You'd either have to be blind or too involved with making out in the back seat of a car...if you hadn't seen the hoarding of Rakhi's new show. and of course, uncle Akshay and his 13 "haseenai" are competing relentlessly to get your attention....but have to say..the deep neckline, the slap stick humor, the Rakhi effect...for me...personally is slightly more exciting.

On a strictly professional level, Rakhi and me go back a long way. I cant remember what, but for some strange reason...rakhi was up in arms against a music company for some shit. I couldn't care less. The CNN IBN entertainment reporter in me was yawning at the news, and delighted at the fact...that my channel would be most excited if i did something outrageous with her.
Of course, as the story goes......i remember...rakhi shoving her...err..assets in my face...and the channel played it up, like it was the biggest news story ever. I was only too delighted!

Now, you tell me.... if you got an invitation to come see RAKHI KE BOUNCERS ...you sure as hell would be convinced...you know...that this was about....ahem! anyway, so me and my excited self landed up at a press con, that was to mark the launch of a new show, by THAT name on a channel....and that's where i realised rakhi and me had a deeper connection...that I'd have thought. We were both tattooed! So while i promptly showed off the tattoo on my back to the camera, rakhi plopped around quickly to shove her booty straight at the lens. The fact that her tattoo was on the small of her back, just seemed incidental after it all!

and then of course there were numerous shoots. I particularly remember the april fools gag, where she slaps me and what not.....and we have a ball! thru it all, the one thing that hasn't changed is that she always starts by saying.." accha mujhe hindi mein sumjhao na!".
Well, to be honest...i'd take that any day....as opposed to another starlet who looks great, is known for her link ups with a nankhatai..and INSISTS on talking only in english!

anyway..back to the SHOWZ. i think i expected a lot more. but i suppose rakhi is rakhi because THATS WHO SHE REALLY IS! when you're asking her to be a motor mouth and be sensational...you're making her act, and lets be honest..that's not her strong point. Just let her BEEEEE on the show...and a lot more...i think...will SHOWZ!

;)

Why be a tv host!?

Sure, I could have been a doctor... only pinning up all fours of a frog never interested me.
I could've been a lawyer, but did I really want to be the butt of all jokes?
I could've been a scientist....but really, with juuuuuuuuust about passing in maths and science...they wouldn't even lemme clean test tubes in a lab!

I decided then....I would talk!
Being a TV host is the easy part....getting people to listen to what you're saying... that's the tuffie!

The Secret!

I'm a sucker for those feel good movies. I love happy endings. My belief system revolves around the idea that good things happen to good people. And that in the end...victory is certain.

I know. you might think it's naive. But it works!
I've read it in books, seen it in the movies, and only recently the idea was reinforced when i was watching the Movie based on the book- The Secret.
I watched for Two hours...as expert after expert said one thing alone. Feng shui experts, Psychoanalysts, Metaphysicians, Dream cathers... if there was a profession... they were in this documentary! Ofcourse... half and hour into the movie and i was like " ya ya this is all great..but what the fuck issssssssss the secret!?"

Turns out, having the million dollar life isn't that difficult after all! All it takes it a little imagination- the power to visualise!
The Secret, if you're just sticking your head outta the mud, is that if you want it to happen...it probably will! That house in the bahamas, the swanky car, the pay cheque......an ass the size of Queen Latifah's...look at the world like a catalogue... pick what you want, and the Secret insists... It shall be granted!
On your part, what you need to do... is dream it!

It's like we all have our personal genie.. and no there ain't that annoying clause about just three wishes!
While i strongly believe in the power of affirmation- and I really do- somewhere I'm in doubt about how true this might be. That's not stopping me from putting THE SECRET to practice ofcourse!
If you want to be the best fucking TV host this country has seen.. dream it. Live the reality of that probability. Sign autographs in your head. Imagine ratings that's taking the pants off the competition...and the universe shall oblige. YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND!

I love the sheer optimism of this thought. Weather or not it works is something I'll realise only in due course. but what a wonderful way to wait around while things happen!
What are the things I am grateful for? What are the things i truly desire? What will make me really happy? Whatever the answers are....imagine having all those things! I know ..i already am. and it's putting me in a pretty darn good place !
Only of course, The secret somehow manages to leave out evil ambition! While its great..for the universe at large to conspire to make things happen according to your plan...what if you're plan is pure diabolic!? What if what you really want, is world domination? What if what you really want, is to knock up your neighbours wife? What if...what your monkey brain reeeeeeeeally wants is for your most annoying professor to get the looooseys..so he's on the pot for hours..?
Well..... Your Wish, Is my command!

Dream it...and you'll probably live it!

P ;)