Saturday, March 14, 2009

Fire or flowing water?!

 You're having a casual chat with a friend of yours, about nothing in particular...but that's what makes it so beautiful. In those moments, words are exchanged, things are said... and you've generally had a nice time. Here's the most beautiful part though... once the friend is gone, the coffee has been taken away (or warm water.. if like me you don't fancy coffee or tea) somethings come back to you. And you have your 'Aah! what a wonderful thing that was' moment!

Most of my epiphanies come to me when I'm in the shower. Funny how soap and lather and generally touching myself inappropriately helps open my mind! A friend of mine was telling me about the intensity that chanting requires... Her philosophy used flowing water and fire as analogies. 

Fire dies out quickly. Sure, its intense for the moments it burns...but it withers soon. To put it in perspective, I'd rather have a 20 watt bulb burning through the night in my room rather than have a 1000 wt bulb burn for ten minutes and have me bumping into furniture all night! 

Low voltage bulbs aside, I realised very often in my own life...I've wanted things too fast without really asking myself 'can i sustain this?'. Sure I could be over 5 channels doing rubbish shows and make money now...but is that going to serve my larger good. Do I want longevity or am I satisfied with exposing all my potential now and keeping no reserves for later?

My choice is flowing water. There's really no right or wrong here. Its where you take your life.  I want to grow, meander, touch places and plains I hadn't imagined. Slow down if my life hits a village that's beautiful to enjoy its country side, and speed up if life isn't offering me much somewhere. But I MUST KEEP FLOWING! Because if i burn too soon, rather if i don't flow... I'll never reach the ocean. I want to.


Tuesday, March 10, 2009

MY 'Challenges'

Its something a friend has been saying over and over again and  it's beginning to become an inner voice for me. 'Every second you're creating karma...', he says...and I couldn't agree more.

I know it sounds like a lie when you look yourself in the eye and tell the mirror...'You're fine.' I know it seems like a lie when you begin to tell yourself that you have the strength to face it all. You know you're lying. But here's the most wonderful thing... faith, like much else is easy to fake. Like they say, if you tell yourself a lie over and'll believe its the truth.

My setbacks are not roadblocks. My sorrows, grief, disappointments aren't coming in the way of my progress...they are challenges. They're the bitter sweet instrument to teach me the fine art of living, to teach me to enjoy and cherish my life when it finally does blossom to its fullest. It'll get there. Soon.

I know its easy to get caught up in the moment. Some of us deal with these challenges with rage, some pretend like it doesn't bother us, some turn to friends for comfort..some of us might even drown ourselves in the bottomless ocean of self's the learning though.. no one can pull you out until YOU are ready to be pulled out. 

My way is to smile. I think a little part of me has begun to believe that I can trick my mind. When you tell yourself the lie about being happy over and over do begin to believe it! And that...for me ...has become the trump card to face these 'challenges'. 

Really, its all in the fucking mind... one moment the damn thing is down and out..and in the second instant it sees hope..and just when you hit rock bottom.. you hear the words 'it can only get better from here', and you smile!
 Best part, you're not even faking this one!