Wanna be frennz?!

I could click the "Add" button all day and it wouldn't change my life. Sure, it could increase the length of my Orkut friends list...but will it really increase the number of friends i have?....well THAT i seriously doubt!

So here's the thing. I'm most pleased when people write in...on orkut or facebook about the fact that they've seen some shows of mine..and they've usually liked what they've seen. THAT part, i love. What i adore more, is when someone even gives you some great constructive criticism. Usually "You talk too fast"! And then of course there's the breed that has a pattern..that I've studied now for so long..that it's painfully predictable!

step 1: They google you...figure you're on orkut. Take the trouble of writing a scrap. and promptly adding you. "Can we be freeeeeeeenz?".

Step 2: they'll be polite and send in another scrap on the lines of.... "I know you're busy ..blah blah... but i was just wondering..if you could write me a scrp

Step 3: ok by this time.. the initial politeness has gone for a long walk. What remains is ..." you're the rudest person i know. You don't even have the decency to reply to a scrap!!!"

haha! and some will even make it sound like we were married for years, before separating to go our own ways!

I've never really understood the point of being "friends" with someone on orkut in any case. You can access pictures and scraps. I haven't bothered locking my pix in any case...(the exhibitionist...that i am!). So why do people go thru such lengths to be part of a list...that really makes no difference to any one's lives!

For exactly that reason..i remember i would add just about anyone..because ..like i said, since it makes no diff..why DECLINE any invitation...and THAT'S when the world went grey! haha, ok...that's where messages and scraps take an ugly turn...some will go to the extent of saying.. How can you not talk to me...ever.!". " you never say hi!". "i thought we were frrrrrreeeeeeeeeeenz!!!!"

So of course, now i find immense joy when i actually do find someone who i want to add on orkut. Usually an old friend...who I've lost touch with. Facebook is STRICTLY for people i know already...or for work.
The irony here...is that these networking sites are usually to make new friends.....but that seems like too much of a task...when it all boils down to adding someone..before knowing anything about them!
In a nutshell..its like sleeping with someone...on the first date!
oh wait...but that's a good thing!
This, unfortunately...is not nearly as pleasant!

;)

The Rakhi Sawant SHOWZ

Like most people, it took me a while to realise it was SHOWZ! You'd either have to be blind or too involved with making out in the back seat of a car...if you hadn't seen the hoarding of Rakhi's new show. and of course, uncle Akshay and his 13 "haseenai" are competing relentlessly to get your attention....but have to say..the deep neckline, the slap stick humor, the Rakhi effect...for me...personally is slightly more exciting.

On a strictly professional level, Rakhi and me go back a long way. I cant remember what, but for some strange reason...rakhi was up in arms against a music company for some shit. I couldn't care less. The CNN IBN entertainment reporter in me was yawning at the news, and delighted at the fact...that my channel would be most excited if i did something outrageous with her.
Of course, as the story goes......i remember...rakhi shoving her...err..assets in my face...and the channel played it up, like it was the biggest news story ever. I was only too delighted!

Now, you tell me.... if you got an invitation to come see RAKHI KE BOUNCERS ...you sure as hell would be convinced...you know...that this was about....ahem! anyway, so me and my excited self landed up at a press con, that was to mark the launch of a new show, by THAT name on a channel....and that's where i realised rakhi and me had a deeper connection...that I'd have thought. We were both tattooed! So while i promptly showed off the tattoo on my back to the camera, rakhi plopped around quickly to shove her booty straight at the lens. The fact that her tattoo was on the small of her back, just seemed incidental after it all!

and then of course there were numerous shoots. I particularly remember the april fools gag, where she slaps me and what not.....and we have a ball! thru it all, the one thing that hasn't changed is that she always starts by saying.." accha mujhe hindi mein sumjhao na!".
Well, to be honest...i'd take that any day....as opposed to another starlet who looks great, is known for her link ups with a nankhatai..and INSISTS on talking only in english!

anyway..back to the SHOWZ. i think i expected a lot more. but i suppose rakhi is rakhi because THATS WHO SHE REALLY IS! when you're asking her to be a motor mouth and be sensational...you're making her act, and lets be honest..that's not her strong point. Just let her BEEEEE on the show...and a lot more...i think...will SHOWZ!

;)

Why be a tv host!?

Sure, I could have been a doctor... only pinning up all fours of a frog never interested me.
I could've been a lawyer, but did I really want to be the butt of all jokes?
I could've been a scientist....but really, with juuuuuuuuust about passing in maths and science...they wouldn't even lemme clean test tubes in a lab!

I decided then....I would talk!
Being a TV host is the easy part....getting people to listen to what you're saying... that's the tuffie!

The Secret!

I'm a sucker for those feel good movies. I love happy endings. My belief system revolves around the idea that good things happen to good people. And that in the end...victory is certain.

I know. you might think it's naive. But it works!
I've read it in books, seen it in the movies, and only recently the idea was reinforced when i was watching the Movie based on the book- The Secret.
I watched for Two hours...as expert after expert said one thing alone. Feng shui experts, Psychoanalysts, Metaphysicians, Dream cathers... if there was a profession... they were in this documentary! Ofcourse... half and hour into the movie and i was like " ya ya this is all great..but what the fuck issssssssss the secret!?"

Turns out, having the million dollar life isn't that difficult after all! All it takes it a little imagination- the power to visualise!
The Secret, if you're just sticking your head outta the mud, is that if you want it to happen...it probably will! That house in the bahamas, the swanky car, the pay cheque......an ass the size of Queen Latifah's...look at the world like a catalogue... pick what you want, and the Secret insists... It shall be granted!
On your part, what you need to do... is dream it!

It's like we all have our personal genie.. and no there ain't that annoying clause about just three wishes!
While i strongly believe in the power of affirmation- and I really do- somewhere I'm in doubt about how true this might be. That's not stopping me from putting THE SECRET to practice ofcourse!
If you want to be the best fucking TV host this country has seen.. dream it. Live the reality of that probability. Sign autographs in your head. Imagine ratings that's taking the pants off the competition...and the universe shall oblige. YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND!

I love the sheer optimism of this thought. Weather or not it works is something I'll realise only in due course. but what a wonderful way to wait around while things happen!
What are the things I am grateful for? What are the things i truly desire? What will make me really happy? Whatever the answers are....imagine having all those things! I know ..i already am. and it's putting me in a pretty darn good place !
Only of course, The secret somehow manages to leave out evil ambition! While its great..for the universe at large to conspire to make things happen according to your plan...what if you're plan is pure diabolic!? What if what you really want, is world domination? What if what you really want, is to knock up your neighbours wife? What if...what your monkey brain reeeeeeeeally wants is for your most annoying professor to get the looooseys..so he's on the pot for hours..?
Well..... Your Wish, Is my command!

Dream it...and you'll probably live it!

P ;)

All sight, no sound

I can't remember one sound. I can only vaguely remember a few pictures. I'm not sure if the world is in slo mo, or if being alone has the incredible power to put the world on mute. I remember getting dressed and walking to the mall. And then I remember nothing.
Is it really possible to be alone when you're surrounded by hundreds of people? Because it's the same place I've gone to several times with friends, and it hasn't seemed anywhere like this. There are always things you remember seeing. Things you're compelled to make fun off. Pass a comment on someone who has no bearing to your life whatsoever. But your friends and you laugh anyway. I've spent countless hours on the steps of Jai Hind college with some of my closest friends, just people gazing. And yet, when you're abundant on people and few on friends...the equation ceases to exist.

Here I am...alone in the middle of this crowd. The sound of the woman making announcements is just a hazy soundtrack. The earnest pleas of a 9 year old...promising his mum "i'll never ask for anything if you buy me this..", the numerous 'may i help you's ' that come my way. I instinctively pass the offer. Moving ahead pretending to know the exact location of what i want at Spencers. I pick things I don't need. Fill the basket, I'm not sure why i'be picked up. The realisation makes me return the jar of pasta sauce in my hand. I don't cook.

I head to the vegetable aisle. I could ask the home deli guy to send in fresh vegetables that my maid will use, but picking up things from the mall might gimme the illusion of a) having a purpose and b) fulfilling it. I'm pulling out plastic bags from the dispenser. I'm throwing in capsisum, corn, lemons.... some cucumber because I might like a brown bread sandwhich tomorrow. I'm amused by the 2.99/ 250 gms tag on the cabbage. I'm not sure if i like cabbage, i pick it up anyway. I go around the area twice...i do recall returning a smile. Not someone i know... but here's the thing. That's the only thing i remember about another human being from this evening. It meant absolutely nothing to me then. But as i write this, that's the only thing thats coming back strongly....

And i think i partly know, why i feel so hollow each time i go to the mall, and come back loaded with things I'm not sure where i'd even put. It's all to do with the gaze. Mine is either too high...or too low. but never perfect to catch people's eye. I'm looking high, reading the names of the stores. I'm looking low, maybe, to move my heavy bags from one arm to another. If i bump into somone, the 'sorry' comes out with little or no co-operation from my eyes. Lesser still, from the heart.

I walk back home. Traffic at a standstill. I'm moving forward. I dodge the rickshaw....i look up at a new billboard. I meet a guy at my elevator i've never seen before, we both say hello. He gets off on the fourth floor. I wait my turn to get off at the sixth. I open the door to my house... back in an empty place i call home. Knowing fully well that i've waited one whole week to get a day off. and now i cant wait to go to work that i dont even enjoy anymore... I promise myself that I'm going to be positive because life has wonderful things in store for me. I believe that too... only, i'm not seeing them yet.

Of chairs and internet gods

"Pull the curtain. You'll get sunlight to get that working."

I was standing by the window, surrounded by about thirty residents at the St. Joseph's old age home. Each time I took a small step, I could here Nilkamal chairs making a sound on the tiled floor of this old goan villa, now converted into a home for the elderly. Some were simply trying to realign their position to be able to a get a good look at the laptop in my hands. Others, were just trying to move. Unsuccessfully so. Then again ..at ages of 85 and more..I could see how this could take a while.

Nuns yelled in the background. The nilkamal chairs continued their cacophony. As I made futile attempts to get some Internet signal. ..my best friend was doing his job of keeping my audience from getting more restless. Sister Barbara moved in small, quick steps through the corridor as she went in looking for an extention chord. And through this all, the camera person was determined to enjoy some butter cookies that are seldom taken out of the kitchen (blame it on the residents' sugar and cholesterol issues!)

You'd appreciate the commotion a lot more if you knew the background. Just two days ago, my camera crew and me had been shooting at this very old age home. The story we had in mind, was a feel good new year story. Different from the usual partying that one associates with Goan new year celebrations. As we parked outside our destination, fully aware that we were about an hour late...a small nun walked hurriedly towards us. "Compliments of the season," she said..as I managed a "hmph..aa..uhh..." and my catholic friend replied with the appropriate "compliments of the season" that so easily escapes a Hindu boy who doesn't know that this is how most goans greet each other after chirstmas, untill new years.

An instant later guilt set in, when we were told they'd all been waiting for over an hour now. That was our cue to start shooting asap! So we Spoke, sang, danced. And while we continued our banter, a very inquisitive (and, slightly irritable) 96 year old woman muttered to someone next to her.. "aye men! what they goin on and on 'bout?"

It took me a few seconds to shove the microphone into aunty Margaret's face. It took me fewer still to realise that she didn't hear that well. And just as I was about to begin a question.. "aye! What is this about men?" she asked.

"We're from a news channel"
"you're a NEWSance?"

I could understand how she'd misheard. the words sound similar. Laughter. Some sheepish grins. Story shot... and available on our lovely ibnlive.com

Cut to the current situation of the noisy plastic chairs still moving the room. While our seniors gathered I was looking for something, they weren't quite sure what. Of course, that hardly stopped them from suggesting.

"Take it near the window. It'll come in," instructed one voice half thinking some passing angel was going to come and hand me some Internet network and fly out.

"Pull the curtain. You'll get sunlight to get that working," said another...convinced it was now up to the solar gods to power this thing that was standing in the middle of them watching the story we'd shot with them, on my laptop screen.

Some 20 mins later, I returned. Having managed to buffer 100% of the video out on some tree with substantial height (thank you lord of the environment!). And as we began watching the video...huddled together around the laptop screen.. the chairs stopped moving. I imagined a roomful of silent spectators who'd watch themselves on screen. Shed a tear. Give our gang a big hug..and we'd move out feeling slightly better about ourselves. Instead, the room filled with 30 old people bitterly complaining about the fact that they couldn't hear (like duh!) some others couldn't see. And better still, a few who;d forgotten why they'd taken so much trouble to move their chairs five inches to begin with!

Some Five screenings later..most had looked at the video. Some had seen it. Few watched. And a miniscule proportion of them heard it. but they all smiled. Endlessly.

And it all came back to just one thing 84 year old Uncle Jerry had said on the day of the shoot, " All we want is for people to come and see us. We have everything else here". As we packed our laptop, unplugged the extention board... we heard chatter, laughter, people saying how great these boys were who brightened up their day. And then we heard aunty Margaret again... "aye men. What's all 'tis about?"

I guess it never really ends!

My friend in the night..

I cant stop dreaming, and I cant stop staring at the ceiling either. Something makes me smile constantly. It’s not anything in particular, its just.... everything.

I toss. I turn. I go to the loo countless times, even when I don’t really have to go. A song’s playing on my laptop. It’s played about 10 times already. It’ll play another ten perhaps. Something about the lyrics keeps me up. Something in them makes me want to dance. Something tells me I need to sleep, because the gods of work wont be pleased about my escapades in the night. They wont feel the understated joy of discovering a new song that takes over your entire being. You’ve traveled already, for hours with the song…. Imagined. Believed. Lived. And yet you know, despite the fact that your mind had managed to wander to the most beautiful places, your reality hasn’t changed. It won’t. And that’s part of the joy.

The hands on the clock have been moving tirelessly. Tick tock. Tick tock. The hours have been drifting past. At 11 you thought, you’d be asleep by 12.At mid night you were convinced, you wouldn’t be awake to see the clock arms go past one. Tick tock. You’re still awake. Still smiling. Still in the room. And yet, far- far away.

You’re not alone in the room though. Your glance meets someone else’s. You’ve been looking at each other for sometime now. Occasionally acknowledging each other’s presence. A mirror after all is hard to ignore. The person in the mirror is just as happy as you are. Just as elated. No one in the world, but the two of you understand this insane joy you feel. Over nothing really, then again…its not really quite the same when happiness comes with a reason. Because then you know you have a reason that’s making your heart race. A cause-effect relationship tells you this is not going to last. But joy, that has no reason…has no reason to end. Because nothing in particular started it to begin with. It just drifted in. And brought with it, a sleepless night. An endless smile. The flicker of eyelashes that hold in them a world of imagination. And that feeling, is hard to take away.

You enjoyed it at first, but now reason kicks in. You’re trying to figure what it is about your new discovery that makes the world seem spectacular. What is it about a tune and a few words strung together that make you feel irrational joy. Ecstasy without reason.

I try and write my feelings down. If something’s making me feel this good, I want to feel this joy everyday. Even if it has no reason. Even if I can’t trace where it all began, I can definitely make it stop from ending. And in that process, I destroy it. Hours of bliss end in an instant. My hunger to feel this rush, to preserve it, becomes the death of it. I stop writing, realizing I’m ending the most beautiful thing I’ve felt in days. And then I think to myself…. How happy I was, in the moments that were. And how trying to hold on to something only makes it go away further. Faster. I finally fall asleep.

I try the same song again the next night. It doesn’t quite have the same effect. I don’t see the arms of the clock working. I don’t meet my faithful companion in the mirror. And I have no way of knowing if he sat there, waiting for me the entire night. I was asleep after all.